


Unsteady

by kelefante



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Airports, Angst and Humor, Canon Relationships, Fluff and Angst, Love Confessions, M/M, Maccachin needs some love, Partings, Public Image can take a hike, Why is Victor Like this?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-05
Updated: 2016-12-05
Packaged: 2018-09-06 14:25:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,635
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8756056
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kelefante/pseuds/kelefante
Summary: It was only a few days after Yuri's win at the Grand Prix and though he should have known that this would be the end result some part of him had hoped and prayed that after it was all over Victor would stay.





	

**Author's Note:**

> I started writing this some time after episode 3 aired. I thought that this could be one of many possible endings to the series and while I'm sure it'll be dated by the time the show ends I still wanted to share it with you. This is the first fic I've written in well over a decade so a big shout out to my beta reader @January_sunshine for helping me with it.

It was over. Yuri could hardly believe it, but it was really over. This wasn't a dream, it was reality. He looked up into the bright lights above his head and felt the cool breeze from the rink caressing his cheeks. Tears started to dot the corners of his eyes and he looked back down to stare across the winner's podium at Victor. His coach, the man who'd grown to mean so much more than that, smiled at him but the pride didn't reach his eyes. He seemed unfocused for a moment, as if something other than Yuri's victory, their victory, was on his mind. Before he could think too much of it, Victor was flashing a thumbs up and smiling broadly at his apprentice. Yuri grinned and returned the gesture to the roar of the crowd. 

 

He'd never been this elated before. He'd never felt this much pride and joy flowing through him. His heart felt like it was soaring, gliding, up to the rafters that held the glass ceiling above their heads. For just an instant, Yuri believed that anything could happen. This felt like a miracle, a wish, had been granted and surely it was the start of so much more. He grinned again at Victor and felt his heart fly higher still. The moment they were back home they could share katsudon together; they could do so much more together, and it was all Yuri could have asked for.

 

He'd won.

 

~*~

 

"You're leaving?" Yuri sounded dumbstruck as he watched Victor pack up his suitcase. It was only a few days after Yuri's win at the Grand Prix and though he should have known that this would be the end result some part of him had hoped and prayed that after it was all over Victor would stay. His heart that had soared so high on that momentous day was crashing back to Earth at a dizzying speed making him lightheaded. The floor beneath his feet felt as if it were moving. His feet felt like they couldn't quite hold steady and he reached for the door frame to keep himself from falling over. It felt like that moment right after a quad when he didn't know for sure whether he would land or fall onto the ice. 

 

"Hm?" Victor looked up, seemingly noticing Yuri standing there for the first time. "I have to." He smiled and stood up. With sure steps, he walked over to Yuri and took his face into one delicate hand. 

 

Yuri felt his heart skip several beats as color flooded his cheeks. No matter how many times Victor did this, he would never get used to it and even with that dizziness still in his head for a moment he felt grounded again. He looked up to meet Victor's gaze and stared into eyes the color of sea glass as his voice caught in his throat. 

 

"Is there a reason I should stay?" Victor asked in near-perfect English, Russian accent still punctuating every word. Yuri couldn't get enough of that sound. The tone of Victor's voice was low, husky, and it chased all of Yuri's reasoning away. English was the best way they had of speaking to one another since Yuri's Russian was absolutely horrid (he'd only learned a few words out of a fanboyish desire to impress his idol) and Victor had laughed the first time Yuri tried to say something to him in his native tongue. Yuri had never tried again. Victor's Japanese wasn't much better, but it hardly mattered. Victor could have spoken gibberish and Yuri would have felt his knees go weak. 

 

"N-no," Yuri answered though it felt like he was swallowing shards of glass when he spoke. "I guess there isn't." He tried to give a light laugh to show that it really wasn't that big of a deal but it sounded hollow. 

 

Victor frowned and let go of Yuri's face. "Then that's that." He turned back to his suitcase and knelt back down to finish packing. "Sorry I didn't tell you sooner, but I'm terrible at goodbyes." He flashed Yuri one of his award winning smiles and Yuri was forced to return the gesture. It felt as if his heart had landed on the floor and finally shattered. Was it really that easy for Victor to leave?

 

"It's okay." No, it wasn't okay. "When does your plane leave? I'll walk with you to the airport." It was the least he could do. Yuri couldn't bear this, but he couldn't handle leaving Victor to disappear into the ether on his own.

 

"Ah, it's at ---" 

 

Yuri looked over to the clock as Victor gave his answer. That was still a few hours away, but they'd have to -- 

 

"We'll have to leave soon to make it to the airport on time." 

 

"We'll make it!" Yuri shouted, voice too loud for the small room. He startled Maccachin who look up with a startled whine. "S-sorry," Yuri apologized, bringing his hand up to his mouth and taking a step back out of the room. "I'll let you finish!" His voice was still loud, but he couldn't help it. Anxiety was continuing to clutch at his chest; he had to escape. He turned away quickly and hurried back to his own room seemingly under the pretense of getting ready to leave as well, missing Victor's sad stare following after him.

 

Yuri nearly slammed his room door shut as he made it into the small space. His hand was still over his mouth and his skin had gone pale. A cry choked in his throat as his vision swam again. He wanted to curse, he wanted to scream, but all he could do was lean his back against the frame of his door and sink down to the floor until he could put his head between his knees. 

 

Victor was _leaving_.

 

There was nothing Yuri could do, but he should have known that from the beginning. It was a foolish, selfish, and unvoiced desire that had been in his heart from the moment Victor arrived on his doorstep that he would stay with him, but he'd realized it too late. He hadn't known the true depth of his feelings for the Russian skater until much later when Victor assigned him to skate to Eros. Even days, perhaps weeks, after that he still hadn't connected the dots to recognize that the abstract feeling of love he held in his soul went far deeper than he could have imagined. He'd naively believed that the flutter in his chest was only because of how much he admired Victor and how beautiful he looked out on the ice, but every time Victor touched his face, moved into his space, Yuri felt his heart quicken and warm to the other man. He'd never thought about men in a sexual fashion, never bothered to look at them in any sense of attraction, but Victor was the first. Victor with his perfect smile, unabashed demeanor, platinum blonde hair that bordered on silver, and beautiful sea glass eyes had stolen his heart. He had been the playboy and Yuri had been the victim foolish enough to fall in love with him. He hadn't been able to hold on and Yuri should have known better. 

 

Yuri's heart clenched as the memory of that first embrace flitted through his mind. Tears pulled along the line of his lashes, fell down his cheeks and darkened the collar of his shirt. He should have realized then just how important Victor had become for him. He should have known from the moment his anxiety took hold and he'd latched onto Victor like a lifeline that the love was far more than an abstract idea. He had fallen in love with Victor though he hadn't meant for it to happen. He hadn't meant for this to be anything more than a mentorship but here he was. He was lost and drowning and Victor was leaving and it was the second romantic heartbreak he'd had to endure. The first didn't even count, not really. He had meant to tell Yuuko that day that he had cared for her but much like this moment, he'd been too late. Several years too late by the look of her children, but that was how life worked wasn't it? Life passed you by if you didn't make a move. If you became a spectator in your own life, then what became of your story? Your own life would become empty. Never had Yuri felt this so prominently as he did in this moment. He should have said something sooner. He should have told Victor that he had feelings for him, that the love had grown into something more concrete, but instead he had stood to the side and ignored those feelings blooming in his chest. 

 

Not telling Victor hadn't been without reason. Yuri had thought once or twice in fleeting moments that it might be nice to hold Victor's hand, to walk side by side with him down the street and to share drinks together like other couples might, but his more rational mind balked at the reality of the situation. Victor was a man, very popular at that, and surely his image couldn't stand for such public displays of homosexual affection. Even in a world that was slowly beginning to accept such relationships, Yuri couldn't ask Victor to risk his image and now that he'd won the Grand Prix, Yuri had his own to upkeep. He'd become Japan's darling skater again and he had an obligation to his fans. It was a lost cause, it always had been, and Yuri had to accept that. True he'd been so bold as to announce to the world that Victor was one of the people he loved, but he'd shied from the truth -- he hadn't even known the full depth of it at the time. Now he had no choice but to accept his fate. What he hadn't bothered to think about was how so many of Victor's gestures completely ignored that sense of propriety. Yuri was the only one focusing on how his own reputation might be perceived.

 

He drew in a shaky breath and wiped the tears away from his eyes with the back of his hand. He couldn't be seen crying like this. He had to be able to move on and besides, it wouldn't be forever, right? Surely, this was only temporary, and the two of them would reunite in a few months after a short break. Victor really hadn't said why he had to leave and the only reason Victor was returning now was because the season was over, right? Unless... if Victor was planning on entering the skating scene again... If Victor had regained his inspiration for his own skating career, then Yuri would only see him as a rival. The very idea of being Victor's equal on the ice should have made the fan in him ecstatic but it only made him feel sick. 

 

Trying to calm down, Yuri drew in a deep breath, in 2,3,4... hold 2,3,4... release 2,3,4... He repeated the counting several more times before pushing himself up to his feet. For a moment, he stared at the poster of Victor he'd put back up once his initial embarrassment over having his idol in his house began to recede. He should ask Victor to sign it. It would soon be the only piece of Victor that Yuri would have left. The thought brought a bitter smile to Yuri's face and he shook his head several times as if that alone could dispel the sadness creeping up on him. He might have one the battle for the Grand Prix, but he felt as if he'd lost in his battle to keep Victor beside him. Foolish. He'd been foolish. 

 

He stumbled over to his closet in a fog and picked out some clothes more suited for a trip to the airport. 

 

~*~

 

The entire trip to the airport passed in silence. It was uncharacteristic for Victor but he could see that something was occupying Yuri's thoughts. What it was he couldn't entirely be sure though he could normally read him so well. He had the nagging feeling he'd forgotten something, but what it was he couldn't remember. He shrugged it off and settled for walking in silence. This wasn't entirely a good thing. 

 

The whole time they walked Yuri kept thinking about all the moments he and Viktor had shared. What could he have done differently to keep Victor's attention? Victor had flirted with Yuri mercilessly and yet… Yuri bit his lip, pulling it into his mouth and chewing lightly until he felt Victor's hand on his arm breaking his endless train of thought. He gasped and turned to look at Viktor, startled. 

 

"You shouldn't do that, Yuri." Victor reached up and touched his finger to Yuri's lips. "You'll chap them that way." 

 

That brought a blush to Yuri's face. It was months ago but he still remembered far too vividly the way Victor's finger felt on his lips as it smoothed balm across them. His mind jumped to other thoughts, other places his fingers could go if only Yuri had had the foresight and strength to tell him his feelings, and the color deepened. "S-sorry." He looked away quickly, apologizing and hurrying his steps to get ahead of Victor so he wouldn't see the harsh blush. Just how did Victor do that? How could he make those gestures so casually without them meaning anything to him? They didn't mean anything, did they? Yuri didn't know, but if they did mean something wasn't it was too late now? 

 

~*~

 

The closer they were to the airport, the more Yuri wished that something would happen to delay them, but then Victor would be late for his flight and Yuri felt bad for even entertaining the thought. No, he had to be strong. He had to prove that this wasn't bothering him and that it was only a 'see you later' and not a farewell. He had to believe that. He had to.

 

He stood and watched quietly as Victor checked in at the counter. Maccachin was too big to ride in the cabin with Victor but with a light sedative and many a reassured pat to the head the poodle was safely booked for pet boarding in the lower hold.There was really no turning back now was there? 

 

Yuri felt his stomach drop down to his toes and the world went fuzzy for a moment as tears stung his eyes. He mentally cursed himself for the weakness, scolding and trying to reassure himself that nothing was wrong. This was fine. It was what he'd chosen. He'd decided not to tell Victor his feelings thus he'd chosen to let him go. How could he possibly be sad about something that was his own choice? His hands clenched into fists by his side till he felt his nails dig into his palm. The world fell away as he tried to ground himself back down. To keep his emotions from spinning too far out of control. He had to be strong. He had to...

 

"Yuri?"

 

His head snapped up to the sound of Victor's voice as he stood only a foot away from him. It was far too much like the first time he'd fought to keep Victor. That anxiety that made his vision blur and his heart pound had been there then too. He'd been drowning in his own thoughts, sinking to the point of no return, and then Victor had pulled him back. Yuri looked away, blinking fast and feeling ashamed for the tears that were glistening in his eyes. He hoped his glasses hid them. He hoped that Victor couldn't see how badly this was hurting him. He didn't want to be a burden.

 

"Yuri, is there something you want to say to me?"

 

Yuri's eyes widened in surprise. He looked back to Victor and stared into eyes that were staring at Yuri as if they could see straight through him. They could see all of him, every insecurity, every anxiety, and every thought that flitted through Yuri's mind was right there plain as day. Victor could see all of that, he'd always been able to, and still he'd chosen Yuri to be his pupil. Yuri couldn't begin to express how relieved he'd been when Victor had decided to stay for him. He'd been so happy, determined to make Victor proud and to keep Victor by his side. Yuri had been completely broken when Victor had threatened to leave again if he hadn't placed in China and that feeling was starting to overtake him again. 

 

Victor was leaving. He had said he'd stay and still Victor was getting on a plane to go back to Russia. How could he do that? How could Victor forget so easily about the promise he had made to stay with him until the end? 

It didn't matter. This was Victor's decision and Yuri wasn't going to beg. He could be stronger than that, he would be stronger.

 

"No," Yuri forced a smile, eyes closing for a moment so Victor wouldn't be able to see how false the bravado really was. "It's just…" The smile dropped and for a moment, Yuri contemplated telling Victor everything. He could tell Victor that he loved him. He could tell Victor that he wanted him to stay, that he couldn't let him go back. What if he didn't return? What if he found someone else to coach? What if…He couldn't say any of that. Saying it would only make him seem weak and Victor wouldn't stand for that. Yuri's own pride wouldn't stand for it. 

 

"Thank you for coaching me this year." The false smile was back on his face.

 

Victor stared at Yuri. Victor's expression was blank as he observed him, taking Yuri in and trying to figure out what he was really saying, what he was really feeling, but there was so much there he couldn't quite understand and still there was that feeling that he was forgetting something. "Of course, I told you I would support you." He moved forward and wrapped his arms around Yuri, comforting him though he didn't know what was wrong. He could feel Yuri's body stiffen and he smiled softly. He was still so shy. 

 

Again, Yuri's heart skipped a beat. The press of Victor's body against his, the smell of his cologne was all around him and he felt his body warm up to his cheeks. He returned the hug, trying not to cry again, and forced himself to let Victor go first.

 

Victor hadn't expected Yuri to pull away and it hurt a little, since usually he was the one to break the contact, but he didn't question it. He took a step back and raised a hand in farewell, " _Dasvidaniya_ ," and he turned away. He was walking away from Yuri and Yuri felt his heart go after him. 

 

Yuri stood stock still, staring at Victor's retreating back as he made his way over to the security checkpoint. It was far away, but still too close for comfort. He still had time. He had a chance. If Yuri opened his mouth maybe it wouldn't be too late. He could stop Victor from leaving he could…The logical side of his mind warred with the emotional. Every reason for why he should let Victor go ran through his head and fought with the emotion of longing that was tugging at his chest. He felt as if he might break if he didn't do something, turn and walk away, or call out after him. His fists clenched for a moment and before he could stop himself he was running.

 

"Victor!" Yuri shouted and to Victor's credit, he stopped walking. He turned back just in time to see Yuri running for him. He held open his arms to catch Yuri and took one stumbling step back before they both fell to the floor in a heap.

 

"Yuri?" Victor looked sidelong at the Japanese boy in his arms. He hadn't expected that show of emotion, had only seen it after wins on the ice and this time there was no bloody nose to stop him from holding him -- there were only tears. He frowned and raised a hand up to touch Yuri's back. "Yuri, what's wrong?" Yuri had hidden whatever pain he'd been holding back earlier, but now it was all out for Victor to plainly see. It worried him. 

 

"Don-," Yuri tried to get the words out, but his throat constricted and stopped him for a moment. He held on a little tighter to Victor and shook his head a few times before finally looking up into Victor's eyes. "I… I love you." 

 

He said it. And in that moment Yuri realized that even through his racing heart and blurry vision, Victory could shatter his heart in an instant. It would take one wrong word and Victor could break him.

 

Victor stared, unblinking, into brown eyes that reminded him of roasted chestnuts and warmth. He smiled and placed his free hand on Yuri's head, slid down to his cheek and cupped Yuri's face in his palm. "I love you, too." 

 

He... Yuri stared, barely comprehending what he'd just heard. No, there was no way Victor could say that so easily, he must not have understood what Yuri meant! He shook his head, desperate now to make Victor understand and not take him lightly. "No! I mean it! I mean I really love you! Victor, don't leave! Please, I… I want you to stay." The tears were coming again and he blinked hard to rid them from his eyes. He didn't want to be weak right now. He wanted to be strong. Victor wouldn't stay for someone who was weak. He pulled away a bit to stand on his own, straightened his back and stared Victor down to prove his strength and meaning in his words. "I love you."

 

Victor saw that strength. He'd never doubted that it was there. He smiled softly, laughing a little and shaking his head in confusion at the way Yuri was acting. "I believe you, but I don't know why you're so upset." He watched as Yuri deflated a little, clearly puzzled, and that's when Victor remembered what it was he'd forgotten to say. "I'm only leaving for two weeks."

 

Eh? 2 weeks? Yuri stared in shock and disbelief. That was it? He was… He continued to gape as Victor explained.

 

"Yurio sent me a text and told me I still owed him even though he'd lost." He reached into his pocket and fished out his cell phone. It took a little scrolling to get to Yurio's text, but he brought it up and held it out for Yuri to see. The text was mostly in cyrillic, but there were a few English words in there that Yuri was able to catch -- "piggy" "Grand Prix" "rival". All of which suggested that Yurio was recovering from his own defeat and gunning for some kind of payback. It almost made Yuri smile if the entire situation wasn't so laughable. Had he really let his emotions sweep him away this badly? 

 

"I can't leave you," Victor said as he pulled the phone back and put it away. The look of shock and embarrassment on Yuri's face was amusing. "You and I have a long way to go with me as your coach." However that was hardly the only reason he wanted to stay.

 

"You were really worried, weren't you?" He smiled and reached out to hold Yuri's face in his hands. "I couldn't leave you. Your katsudon has trapped my heart." 

 

Yuri's cheeks flushed. Victor was embarrassing, completely and utterly embarrassing, a horrible tease, an airhead, and... Yuri started crying again as relief overwhelmed him. He laughed and shook his head. He could hardly believe what he was hearing. Was it really that easy? Was it so easy for Victor to say something like that when Yuri had struggled all this time? "Is anything hard for you?" He asked before he could really stop himself. 

 

"One thing is," Victor said with a smirk and the glint in his eyes suggested that his words had a deeper meaning than Yuri might expect. "But I have to ask if you're saying you love me, does that mean you want me to be something besides your coach? Does that mean I can take things further?" He'd been waiting in hopes that Yuri would reciprocate his feelings. He wouldn't force Yuri into anything he wasn't ready for, surprise kisses notwithstanding, and Yuri had to realize his feelings on his own. Now if Yuri was ready, Victor was willing to move things at a much quicker pace.

 

"I...yes." Color bloomed on Yuri's cheeks. He was ready.

 

" _Ya schastliv_." He closed the gap, not caring that they were in public or otherwise, the worries plaguing Yuri having no similar impact on Victor. He kissed Yuri then. Yuri made a small hum of surprise in his throat, not expecting that Victor would have acted so boldly in public a second time but all the same, his heart soared. He returned the kiss tentatively, remembering how soft Victor's lips felt against his own the first time he'd surprised him. Victor did care a lot about his appearances but apparently his public image wasn't a part of that. Yuri couldn't say he minded. It was a relief and if it meant he could kiss Victor like this again he wouldn't complain. He kept his lips on Victor's and only pulled away when Victor did. 

 

Victor smiled and wiped the tears that were still dotting the corners of Yuri's eyes with his thumbs. He wanted to stay with him a bit longer, but his flight was going to take off with or without him on it and someone had to pick up Maccachin. "I'll see you in two weeks. I promise." He lowered his hands from Yuri's face and tried not to look too smug. He failed.

 

Yuri laughed and took off his glasses to wipe at his own eyes though Victor had done a well enough job. "You never remember your promises." Nor did he remember important details like just how long he'd be staying away. Yuri felt a little foolish now, but it was entirely Victor's fault.

 

"I'll remember this one," Victor promised again and leaned in to kiss Yuri's forehead. 

 

Yuri didn't know what to say. He only nodded, flustered again and quickly replaced his glasses to try and hide the blush that was burning on his cheeks. He smiled broadly at Victor with his heart feeling far too full of joy. "In two weeks. You better not forget!" Or else he'd be flying to Russia himself to bring Victor back. 

 

"I won't!" Victor laughed. "You and Yurio act like I can't remember anything at all!" It was with good reason. "You and I have next season to plan for."

 

"Yes," As far as Yuri was concerned, they'd have much longer than that to plan for. "I'll see you soon!" 

 

"Soon can't come quick enough, my delicious katsudon." Victor turned and winked over his shoulder at Yuri. Yuri really was cute when he blushed. He'd miss seeing it for the next 2 weeks, but he'd make a point to send him enough texts that it would hardly feel as if he'd left at all. 

 

This time, Yuri watched Victor walk away with a grin on his face. Victor was leaving, but he would see him again and they'd be more than coach and skater -- They'd be partners. He could wait for that.


End file.
